Good Grief 87

It is hard to keep darkness at bay.
I am not sure if the world of light beyond is a distant world that is lost;
a world that was never, and never will be, achieved;
or, a world that simply seems out of reach.

Today I walked, as I did yesterday.
There is so much that I probably ought to do.
My home is a mess and reflective of how I am.
I should do jobs, lots of them that are neglected.
I ought to try to put my mind to Christmas.
I don't care and can't get organised or motivated.
I rang the home and mum was still in bed.
I said she needs prompting, she would be a dormouse in another life.
She forgets how to get up, what to do, how to live.
It breaks my heart and I feel I have let her and dad down even though I know this is for the best. I hate it. And I feel no different really - forgotten how to get up, what to do and how to live.
Shoulds and oughts ... but all I can do is walk a bit until I am tired and then do nothing much and the days march on.