I've been to IKEA!

Not today, I hasten to add, (that joy is to be endured tomorrow) but on other occasions on the way home from working away somewhere.

And because I have been in shirt & tie, I have been mistaken for a member of staff and asked for directions around the store or for the location of a certain item. I must confess I have been very tempted, after several people have stopped me to ask a question, to reply - "I HAVE NO IDEA. I HATE THIS PLACE AND AM ONLY HERE UNDER SUFFERANCE AND BECAUSE MY WIFE WANTED ME TO COME AND BECAUSE I LOVE HER ENOUGH TO PUT MYSELF TO THIS GREAT INCONVENIENCE FOR HER! NOW GO AWAY AND ASK A MEMBER OF STAFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE TO TRUDGE AROUND THIS AWFUL PLACE, GET WHAT IS NEEDED AND GET OUT OF HERE!"

But of course, I haven't said anything of the sort. Just smiled nicely and said, "I'm so sorry but I don't work here so if you'd like to find a member of staff, I'm sure they will be only too pleased to help you."

But today, I called into a shop in Oswestry, on my way home from a job, only to be asked - after the shop assistant had scrutinised my tie - "Do you work for Aldi!"

How rude.