The Same but Different

My first full day back.

This lovely lady is my grandmother. While I was away, she had her shoulder replaced, and the recover has been slow and painful. I think when we leave our homes, we know, logically, that things will change. Just as I grow, so will things at home age. I spent the morning with Grandma, driving her to PT and making her lunch. She is still very cantankerous and, frankly, hilarious (whether she intends it or not), but there is something different- an age, a lapse in memory, a chronic pain. She's getting old.

Filling the role of caretaker for just one day makes me more deeply respect those who do it all the time. My parents have assumed this role with great poise, and now we are having frank discussions about their end of life trajectories and wishes. I am lucky to have such a family, but there is still a sadness in the final stage of life. God willing, my parents still have a LOT of time left. But I am seeing the aging in my grandparents and must painfully acknowledge a finite life for us all.

And driving through my city, I wonder. This is or was home. I know it so disturbingly well that I cannot imagine how it is possible to see it with such new eyes. And I imagine what the people here must think of where I have been living- what they might not be able to imagine. There is an economic depression here that I never noticed before. Has it changed all that much, or have my eyes?

When I came home from 6 months in Germany, I was shocked by our consumerism and excess. My experience now is very different. I cannot yet summarize it, but I can guarantee it is complex. The most important thing in this moment is not to be overwhelmed- there is so much to do, but that also includes relaxing. Ahh, my scattered mind.