new improved fit my arse

If sharks were shopping-sheep and the dual reds of christmas and SALE! the blood tempting them... I too briefly thought it must have been light-switching-on day today due to the illuminated trees, chestnut-stenches and irritatingly mindless loosely christmas-based vapid pop songs blasting into the fitting-rooms. As well as 20% off prices of ill-fitting clothing at M&S there was also 30% less aisle-space and 70% more obstinately aisle-blocking she-codgers who shouldn't have been there in the first place unless the recent gradual update from St Michael's granny-clothing to more Modern Styles has left them with nothing better to do than shop for their husbands' clothes. If I'd realised there were special shopping-events on I'd have just gone straight home after work but I still need to replace my school trousers and wanted to avoid the shops at the weekend to limit my exposure to queues and people who seem unable to grasp the idea that aisles are for movement between areas of the shop as well as standing in to riffle through hangers and for dislodging the sizes which offend them onto. Luckily only three shops had special discount events running but unfortunately all of the twenty distinct styles of trousers I tried on seem to be suffering from a consumer crisis-prompted reduction in the quantity of fabric available to the buttock and leg regions; maybe I'm wrong to expect a pair of trousers to be suitable for sitting at a desk, occasionally walking around to go to meetings or popping out to buy food at lunchtime - perhaps the modern office-behaviours for which they are designed comprise standing on top of a desk occasionally flexing the thighs tight against the constricting trouser-fabric in order to attract mating partners or strutting up and down the aisles between desks wincing and crowing each time a crease bites into the nethers. Come to think of it there's been a recent spate of tubs of hair-product on the counters in the office toilets similarly evidencing preening and displaying behaviours... Certain shops (of which I expected little) sport categories of fit on their labels though seeing as they only had variations on "slim" and "narrow" there's little point if they're not going to be brave and go for baggier classifications such as "comfortable" or "safe". Even the shop which sold me my favourite pair of trousers ever (almost dead now but preserved in a bag in a drawer for the day when they can be cloned) now only sells low-rise thin-leg impractical garbage. Unfortunately the only shop where the fitting room wasn't overwhelmed with festive music was the one in which I was wondering about taking a picture of the label stating "new improved fit" on a pair of trousers which I could probably have ripped if I'd attempted to climb some stairs whilst wearing them and I'd be wary of creating a loud shutterclick in such an environment and phonecam couldn't cope with the lighting.