Window

to the past, perhaps? Certainly to the present anyway.

It was so cold last night, but we slept well. It was strange to wake up here, but I liked it too.

Tim made me a smoothie for breakfast, and we chatted and watched Friends like we always did. He was heading out to the gym later, and I needed to go home.

I always find it hard to leave. I didn't think I would this time. I don't mean tears or anything, just what A calls "uncomfortable feelings". I guess it's the wondering when I'll see him again, whether this will be the last time. Silly really. I think we'll be friends, we are friends. It just makes me feel sad I guess.

I hugged him goodbye, and then headed to the 77 bus stop. His roommate was taking the same bus, so we chatted a little. I don't know him that well, but he seems a nice guy.

It was grey and cloudy today, but it was nice to take the bus on the familiar route. I got off at Waterloo, intending to make the most of being out, and walked to Southbank. Only to find the shop wasn't open yet, and I deliberated about going to LPQ. The cost, the funny feelings that pervaded. In the end I hung out at the station and looked in the shops. 

I couldn't decide what to do. Part of me wanted to stay here, the other part wanted to go home. In the end I took the train home, and was back by 1pm. Like the old days, when Tim wished I would stay longer. 

I stopped off at mum's, I couldn't face going home. When I did and hour later, sure enough, my heating had had a spa and it was cold inside. Three attempts later it restarted, and it has thankfully been on ever since. I had the option to stay at my mum's but I do love my own home, and I want to stay there.

I had a funny afternoon, talking, chilling but not really achieving anything. The more the afternoon wore on, the more unsettled I felt. I just kept thinking " get to the gym, just get to the gym".

Which did help, but I just kept remembering yesterday. And it made me happy and sad at the same time. So I kept chatting to my friends, and it turned out morale was a bit low tonight in general- we think we've all got the January blues!

I don't. Mine have just hit the four month mark. Hopefully I'm beginning to turn the corner ;-)