Hollywood Foul

We got a free game of bowling today at Hollywood Bowl due to my complaint regarding their total lack of incompetence on my son's birthday.

The birthday package is offered on the website as follows, with my additional comments in brackets:

1 game of bowling (It will take at least 15 minutes and 3 confused members of staff to figure out what lane you're in)

A fantastic gift for the birthday child (Your 'personal host' will not know who to give this 'fantastic' gift to, because an hour and a half into the party he will still not know who the birthday boy is).

A small gift for every child (please ensure your child does not play, touch or breathe on their gift as it will break).

A free game voucher for every child (Free, as in the small print kind of free, where it's only free if an adult pays full price for a game)

A jug of squash, plus tea and coffee for accompanying adult (Our special blend of 3 drops of squash to 8 pints of water will make sure the kids are getting enough of their daily water intake. The host won't tell you about the coffee/tea until you finally track them down and badger them about it, at which point your caffeine withdrawal symptoms will be in full swing. They will then point towards two coffee/tea dispensers which then turn out to be empty.)

A kids meal and a fruit shoot for every child (We promise to serve minuscule portions of pizza and chips that look like stale reheated leftovers. The kids won't eat it, ensuring we've done our bit for child obesity).

Plus all the items to make your party go with a bang including invites, activity placemats, balloons and more! (We'll probably forget to include the balloons. And the 'more'.)

I got a rather lovely passive aggressive reply to my second complaint letter (after the first one was ignored) from Deputy GM Barrie Green, who at least offered us a complimentary session of bowling "to show you that we can do much better."

Well, you didn't really show me you could do much better Barrie, you just gave us a free game of bowling which must have taken all of 3 minutes for you to arrange.

However I am grateful for that, Barrie (whoever you are because you couldn't even be bothered to greet us and apologise in person). I promise to tell all my Blip friends how wonderful Hollywood Bowl in North Finchley really is.