SCREENPLAY

*ALL IN IRONIC JEST, IF ANYONE IS OFFENDED, SOZ. SINCE I AM SCARED OF GUNS, HUMOUR IS THE ONLY CONTRIBUTION I CAN OFFER IN THE FIGHT AGAINST ISIS*

Screenplay of a scene for a mockumentary that follows the life of a MR ABDULLAH AL-HA´RRIA, member of the Islamic State of Iraq, Syria and the Outer Hebrides political party, who takes the seat of mayor in the fictional fishing village, Moishul having run in the election unopposed. ABDULLAH is misguided and peaceful and very much accepted within community as the local eccentric. We watch as his orders from the distant Caliphate meet a sleepy culture clash in this windswept, woolly corner of Scotland, with locals (partly due to ABDULLAH´S accent) mistaking Ramadan for going on the randan and Sharia law for changes as to how you can shear sheep.

SCENE 1


It’s Friday prayers in Moishul, and ABDULLAH is outside the local community centre preparing for the call to prayer, it’s windy and drizzling. He is clutching papers struggling to turn on a megaphone, which beeps and squeals as he raises it to his mouth. Finally, it works and he raises it to his mouth clearing his throat which is projected loudly through the machine.

ABDULLAH
 [singing call to prayer from the papers in his hand] AllaahuAkbarr….

More squealing from the machine. ABDULLAH bangs the side of it with his hand. He continues to sing. MR SANDY MACKENZIE, the local postie, pulls up on his bike to collect mail from the box next to ABDULLAH.


SANDY
Morning, Abdullah, jeepers, she´s fair blowing the day, eh!?


ABDULLAH
 [through the megaphone, slight middle eastern accent] Morning, Sandy, she certainly is, aye.

ABDULLAH continues to belt out the azhan with the megaphone coincidentally pointed towards SANDY. SANDY winces at the loud prayer and bids farewell with a nod of the head and a widening of the eyes.
 
                                                           SCENE 2


ABDULLAH is inside the community centre in the hall which is to become his office every Friday. The floor is wooden and there are traces of basketball court markings. In the background we can see a stage, and a desk which sits in front of a hastily pinned up black flag of ISIS. ABDULLAH is pacing around the room, gesturing to local and lifelong Moishul resident, MURIEL, as to how he could reorganise it. MURIEL is an older woman and is struggling to keep up with ABDULLAH´S excitable pacing. Now we cut to ABDULLAH sat at his desk, the ISIS flag behind him, he is talking directly to the camera.

ABDULLAH
So, this will be my office space for the coming year. It will also serve as the local mosque which is perfect because my office hours will be between soft tennis and mum´s and toddlerz, which is with a z. I can double it up as the Friday prayers, as well, which I hope to make compulsory once I´ve settled in properly. Two birds one stoning.