Flop

Just as I crouched to take a pic of this chap, the first plops of rain began to fall and he flopped away deep within the grass to shelter. Not even one hop.

Yet another bug that there's been a shortage of this year to add to my list.

Not going to write anything else. I'm going through a boring phase!

(flops into bed without so much as a jump)

Later...

No sod it. I'm fed up and I'm going to say so. This is my journal.
I'm having a crap time recently. I'm getting headaches almost every day. I'm getting stomach pains regularly and other mysterious aches and twinges that come and go. If I don't get enough sleep I feel like I'm falling apart and unable to do anything or think straight. I get talked to as if I'm a piece of sh*t on a regular basis and I feel that - as most people do - I deserve a bit of kindness.
I'm finding it really difficult to readjust to being practical and not using my brain now I'm not studying. And I feel like I've lost the right to be a writer because it doesn't bring any money in. I'm looking for slithers of happiness in every day in a desperate way, determined not to be pessimistic and determined to count my blessings but it's a constant uphill struggle.
I'm a big, tall 42-year-old mother and yet I feel tiny and pretty pointless.
I'm so bloody minded I know I will fight my way out of this mindset but right now I feel like tearing my hair out.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with our teenage kids who don't seem to want to do anything anymore and ignore everything I ask them to do and any advice I try to give them. Simple questions about our eldest's plans that would help me plan a meal get treated with contempt and I can't help feeling like a failure however I approach things.