Be careful where you sit

Dennis Athelwaite had never been a careful man. In fact he walked on the side of recklessness, happier to stroll down the middle of a dual carriageway than the path to the side. It had often perplexed his parents, God rest their souls, and many cited Dennis's poor regard for his own safety to be a contributing factor to his parents demise. The fact that Joseline, his mother, and Arkroyd, his father, had both passed away whilst swimming in the shark infested seas off the Japenese coast on a dream holiday, seemed to be ignored. No, Dennis was D for danger.

As for the man himself he didn't so much laugh in the face of danger, but rather didn't ever see the danger until it actually hit him on the head. There was in fact a whole list of things that had hit him on the head, a great many which he kept as mementos in his third shed.

A cactus though is a wild beast of a plant and Dennis would have been wise to check the terrain under his 53rd bungee jump. The fact that he hadn't had meant this jump would be remembered for many a long time. Bong and ouch, his arse plunging into the thick arrows of the elderflower cactus known locally as Titan. High did our hero Dennis shoot back into the sky, his screams filling the crisp Mexican air with a rather tuneful refrain. Bong again and ouch again as the repetitive bungee took him back up and then down on a journey to never be forgotten.

Later that night in Sister Maurice's Hospital for the hard of hearing, Dennis wondered how he was ever going to get to sleep. Heavily sedated he may be, but the pain continued to dance around his body like a shot of 60% home brew on a freezing winters night.

To bungee jumpers everywhere - beware.

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