Ivy & Church

Today I watched a documentary about the making of "The Island of Dr. Moreau".  It contained a funny story about Marlon Brando.

In the film was German actor Marco Hofschneider, and Nelson de la Rosa.  Nelson (at that time) was the smallest man in the world, and he looked to be about the size of a Sooty puppet.  He was in the film with no lines because (as you may know) the story is about human experimentation gone wrong.

Marco was very excited to be working with Brando and Brando excitedly engaged Marco in conversation.  "You're the German actor!" he exclaimed.  "Yes, yes, I'm German," said Marco.  

"I speak German very well," said Brando.  "Wutzen schucken patze Katzen nach dem upsen wupsen nach?"

"I'm sorry?" said Marco.  "I didn't get that?"

"Wutzen schucken patze Katzen nach dem upsen wupsen nach?"

"Ummmm... Katzen is cats?  You like cats?"

"No!  WUTZEN SCHUCKEN PATZE KATZEN NACH DEM UPSEN WUPSEN NACH!"

At this point the assistant director stepped in and just made something up.  "Marco, he's saying that life is fleeting and you must grasp the moment."

"Yes!  Exactly!" said Brando.  "Ha ha!  He speaks better German than you do!"

Apparently Brando did the same thing to Nelson a week later, "Oh I speak Spanish fluently!  El cardo-bordo supra coma i langio di patti."

"Si!  Excellente!" said Nelson.  Who was much better at this than Marco.

"I LOVE this guy!" said Brando.  "He has to be in all my scenes with me."

"But he's not an actor."

"I'll TEACH him how to act."

"He doesn't have any lines!"

"He can have Marco's!"

Poor Marco.  "I thought I'd end up fighting for screen time with Brando.  I didn't realise I'd end up fighting for screen time with the smallest man in the world.  And losing."

That has NOTHING to do with the picture I know.  I just liked the ivy.  But I like funny stories better.  And apparently Nelson was a beggar for chasing the ladies around.

Incidentally, NEVER watch "The Island of Dr. Moreau".  It's a rubbish film, although it does feature a scene in which Brando wears an ice-bucket as a hat.