Today I was reminded of something I've lost hope in for a long time now.

For those that know me very well, I like to be in control. A lot. What happens the next hour, what tomorrow should look like, a nice organized schedule that cannot be changed, and even, sometimes, how my relationship with certain people should be.

I know. It's stupid. I'll admit to that.

Where my stubbornness kick in, is how I do not like to give any control to the one who has made me. Who has made how my tomorrow should look like and even what will happen the next hour.



Recently, too many changes have been happening... good and bad.

I did not expect to start dating a random man I met in a ballroom almost six months ago. I was "planning" to go through grad school without anything that might be considered a "distraction". Dating was one. Sometimes even hanging out with friends was something I had to "plan" on my calendar so nothing would affect me academically. Somehow he convinced me and has been supportive of everything since then.

I did not expect to have this relationship change me. I have learned a lot what selflessness is but also when it is necessary to be strong. For yourself or for him. I have learned much more on what forgiveness is, simply based on the fact that he is human and you are too. I have also learned that sometimes, it is okay to be the weak one. To show your weakness is courageous. And if he really cares, he ends up embracing it and encourages you to challenge those weaknesses.

I did not expect to suddenly be financially tight every month, but somehow was able to purchase a car (on monthly payments), still have enough to pay for insurance bills every month, and feed myself... sometimes in someways. People have been donating clothes left and right, treat me out, and being understanding that I cannot hang out unless money is not in the picture.

I did not expect to be this close with my school cohort, to the point that I am able to do life with certain individuals. To learn how to trust again and make risks.



As new events and necessary changes continue to come way, I can choose to either stress about it and throw tantrums,


or walk along with it and trust that I am in good hands.


It is easier said than done, but it is time I learn that. All over again.




This picture. 21 year old me.


I wish I can go back and tell her,


everything will be okay. Even when they seem like they won't be. It'll all be figured out.




You will be okay.