Blank Canvas

A public artwork by little known Suffolk artist amelia fnighorn (who insists on lower-case initials!) could be lost if sufficient money cannot be raised in time to move it to a new location before the wall is demolished to make way for a new nails bar and tattoo parlour urgently needed to meet increasing public demand.

Now in her 93rd year, thrice married Ms fnighorn, former lead singer with the EyeCons banjo and corset ensemble, still glides around town on her designer skateboard but dislikes being photographed or interviewed, and when I asked her this week about rumours that she was preparing to launch a public appeal for a blank cheque to fund a rescue bid I drew a blank. 

She did however explain why she writes her name in lower case:  it is in memory an ancestor - a jester at the Royal Court - who was decapitated in medieval times for telling bad jokes, but I have always believed that there should be no punishment where no pun is meant . . .  and I mean it.


Please remember, you heard it here first . . . and would I lie to you?