Friday

What a day!

First off was a trip with the younger children this morning; me driving the minibus and where I got this picture.

Then the psychiatrist. I didn’t realise until after the appointment how much I was pinning all my hopes on him having answers, because he is the consultant.

I had gone in hoping he would be able to help me with the uncontrollable changes of moods and other symptoms. No, apparently depression is unpredictable. He told me that he and his team find my case unusual and complicated.  His only suggestion is for me to write a diary for the week what I am going to do and stick to it, so I don’t do nothing and end up feeling worse. (that would help with the huge amount of dishes I have, no food in the house, a pile of washing to do and the ‘stuff’ that is lying around, if  I could actually feel the need to do these)

His parting note was, since my diary is so busy I can’t see you until 2 months’ time.

I came out and cried all the way back to work.

Then I had a workshop with an outside agency, with the pre-schoolers to help us on our way to be an Eco Nursery.

Tonight I feel lost, alone and stupid for thinking he would have answers. I have no hope for the future and now I’m just left to get on with it.