Tongue tied Robin.

Truanting is bad apparently, this is me looking puzzled, Bethan'll be catching up on blip soon. Today was muddled but amazing, scary, but perfect. But thats' what my life consists of daily really, what a pickle, happy blipping. - Robin.

~

To
the hat I threw out of the train window when I was 4.
Memories of
hot days in the paddaling pool
and family bike rides
caught in your creases.

My childhood is still on the hanger,
tags still attached but
you donated it to the Salvation Army.

Now
family bonds garrotte me
but you took my blades
so I can't cut through them.

It was the barbed wire of A*s
and the rusty nails of pressure
that caused these scars.

I can see you regret
all those wasted hours of parenting
and clammy hand holding
that culminated in...
this.

I fought against you for so long,
my joints are locked in the repetitive motion of loggerheads.
My arsenal is bare
I turned my last weapon on myself.

I used the last of my courage
to shout for help.
Now I'm left
cowering behind my shadow.

I need someone elses heartbeat to fill the void.
Someone elses life to fill the gap.
This doesnt feel like living.
It didn't even feel like existing.

Until me pen signed a treaty with my childhood.

Put that weird, indescribable feeling
onto paper.
Tied down on feint ruled A4
it became
describable.

Tears flowed from my fingertips
creating cramped cursive
that lobotomised me,
leaving me naked.

I am Eve before the fall.

I am a mother to myself.

I am a new age Muddy Waters
singing the blues.