Togetherness in sadness

There is no easy way to say that wonderful Gerry passed away peacefully yesterday afternoon, his daughter Candy rang to tell me last night, we all knew it was coming but it doesn't make the news any easier to take, nothing can prepare us for loss it seems... I decided not to tell my Mum last night but wait until today so after a tearful night's sleep I woke to inform my side of the family and Mum's close friends and then Max came with me to the Nursing home.

I took her flowers and sat down with her and told her, I have never had to do anything like this before, it was heartbreaking to watch her sobbing, she said "I'll never see him again" twice and then she said "are you sure he is definitely dead" and after another long cry she said "I can't cry properly anymore", I just stroked her shoulder and said "there is no right or wrong way to cry". Max sat behind me rubbing my shoulder and giving me strength, it was so so sad.....

As luck would have it there was a lovely lady called Gloria there today doing everyone's nails, she is a lovely woman and shared her own losses with us and was very sympathetic to Mum and looked at her photos, she was very kind and Mum really enjoyed having her hands massaged and having nails buffed and painted.

I left Mum to have lunch with Norman who is 93, a Quaker with no legs and is completely deaf, I wrote him a card explaining what had happened which I gave to him in the morning, Mum said Norman had told her that Gerry would be waiting, Norman is a wonderful person with a healing character and I am sure he helped her enormously.

After lunch I went back and we chatted, watched tv a bit, tried to watch a dvd of Dick Barton special agent but the home's equipment wasn't working so we couldn't but we will at some point.

I left about 5 stopping to talk to Norman who held my hand and said lots of lovely things.

The staff have been brilliant today, Mum looked totally exhausted when I left, I hope she will sleep well tonight.

Gerry was one of the most interesting, extraordinary, alive, alert, caring, enthusiastic, funny, wise people I have ever met, an exceptional, inspirational man who I feel so very fortunate to have had in my life for the last 10 years, he gave so much love and support and care and fun to my Mum and to her whole family, I will really miss him......

The extra is a photo that Gerry's son John sent me yesterday of Mum and Gerry on a boat on the Thames looking very happy and very well, they really have had a wonderful life together for the most part....

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