Time to pause and reflect.

I haven't been on here for a while and this is going to be quite a long post so will do my 3 beautiful things and 1 thing to be grateful for first.  Feel free to stop there or you can read on!

Three beautiful things:
Learning - love it when I am the learner and not the teacher.
My last panel review as a respite foster carer - I have now passed all the 'tests'  and have officially been approved!
The 'smell' of someone you love especially when they have been away.

One thing to be grateful for:
The support and guidance from my support social worker - she is an absolute star.


Okay - so you are still reading...here comes the more 'waffly' bit!

Over the last few days, I have had the pleasure of being even more the 'learner' than I already am in my daily life and there have been new ideas/concepts, reminders and confirmation/reassurance.  These opportunities have come through both recreational and professional activities. But all have got me thinking about the past 12 months since I was last at the review panel and how much my world has changed since then.

The first came through an absolutely inspirational talk delivered by a young man living with Aspergers.  he had the whole audience eating out of his hand for an hour and forty-five minutes and was completely open and honest about how his life has been and is now.  Whilst many things struck a chord or made me think, the following really resonated:
When dealing with change '95% needs to stay the same for the 5% of change to be successfully managed.'  

Now, yes he was talking about those children and adults who suffer with autism however for the rest of us, I would suggest that our own ration of 'the same: change' wouldn't be to far different in order to stop the 'chimp' from taking over!  When I reflect on the changes in my own life in the last 12 months since my last panel review for fostering, I would say the ratio probably looks more like this 30% same : 70% different.  I also had no idea, at that time, of the changes that would occur apart from welcoming some young people into my home at some point.  Therefore its no wonder that I am feeling a little more emotionally stretched and vulnerable at the moment and needless to say the 'chimp' has been often more in charge than the thinker, inside my brain and my emotions have ruled!  

Whilst the changes; including providing monthly respite for 2 boys, a new relationship and a completely new job/career path are positive, they have completely turned my world upside down and it is natural/normal to have a  a wobble, over think and be more reactive than proactive at times.  I also know there will be more changes ahead, some sooner than others some much later.  Therefore it is important to just 'be' at this moment of time and let my world settle so that I have had the time to recoup the resilience and resources needed so that maybe my same:change is more like 70% same:30% change.

I was also reminded of the 'Chimp Paradox' (great book if you haven't read it and are into how your mind works) in relation to how we deal with incidents.  In this case, it was linked to sea kayaking and some of those sticky situations we could find ourselves in.  I realised, whilst sitting there, that; a - it had been quite a while since I had read the book and it wouldn't hurt to read it again.  And b - the  ' chimp' has had quite a bit of control lately when dealing with all these changes. Okay that is quite natural and the good thing is at least I can recognise that.  Now the challenge is to put the 'chimp' back in his place!  Which again means just allowing myself to very much be in the present, I can't do anything about what has happened in the past a part from learn from it.  The future is out there and whilst there are exciting times ahead, I just need to be making the most of now and building up those reserves again with the support, understanding and love from those around me.  

I am also very lucky as I have the opportunity of a lifetime coming up very soon - in 6 weeks to be precise.  Sea kayaking around the coast of Greenland from Illullisat, spending approximately 14 days on the water and setting up camp each night, in total 3 weeks away from my world that has been 'turned upside down'.  I really cannot imagine what this adventure is going to be like but I do know that it will fill me to the very core of my being and both reaffirm and challenge my thinking and perceptions.  

I think it has come at the right time.