Thursday

A trip to Inverleith Park after work as I heard there were baby swans, I could only see one.

It seemed like I had just closed my eyes and the alarm was going.
Exhausted.

After last nights counselling session , today I have being feeling everything. First off it was the tears then I felt really low and still do. Everything got to me; the noise of the children, colleagues voices, the toys that were being played with.

I am feeling overwhelmed with how 'busy to me', the next week will be and I keep playing it over and over in my head; running through how it will work. It is wearing me out.

Then came the anger, thankfully it was after work. Angry at being this way, angry at how last night went, angry at me for not being  to cope with it all. I threw a cushion, smashing a photo frame, knocking over various things. Didn't make me feel any better.

I hate being me. I really really do.