Airport blues

Well, here it is again another saying of goodbye.
Here are Stewart's bags awaiting departure.

I took him to the airport this morning for his flight to Chicago to Newark and from there, back to Edinburgh. He should arrive early tomorrow morning or around 2am my time.

Saying goodbye this time feels a bit different and I don't know what to do with these feelings so I thought just writing it down here might help. This is the third time we have done the weepy drive to the airport and I always knew this was part of the process.

This time feels a bit harder because we were together seven whole uninterrupted months, we actually had time to take each other for granted, fight over stupid shit and be more of a couple and I am so glad we had this time. We also had more time for lots of good things too...

It feels like the end to an intense period of time that started at the beginning of the year when I came to Edinburgh. I had just left the non profit arts organization as it was sadly going down in flames and I was licking my wounds in the process. With my trip to Edinburgh, I conquered my fear of flying, traveling alone and the fear of the unknown and came to experience Scotland and so much more because of it. Happily Stewart came back with me in May and these three months just flew past as we organized our art booth, an international group exhibition, painted a whole new body of work, had other exhibitions and so much more.

We travel well together, we take good care of each other and it just seems so strange to be sitting in this empty house while Stewart is making his way through airports and the sky.

It is different this time as I don't have a studio to go to for a hug or some witty banter or even just endless meetings to help me forget or to just keep me occupied.

I have to remember that today I will be a mess and it will come in waves. I also have to remember we still have skype, facebook, and blip. We have emails and we have ideas and plans and of course photographs. We also have all these paintings that represent our time together and our connection. We even recorded another song this time and we can record more songs over the static of the internet.

It will just be different. It will be like it was in between the other visits, it will just take time to get used to it and accept that this is what we have right now. And when it works it is actually pretty great.

Today, I will wander around the lonely house. Today I will hang around on the internet. Today I will eat comfort food and watch Dr. Who and check in with friends. Today, I will look back at the photographs that I took of Scotland from January to May and remember what it was like and think of how fortunate we are and how brave we are.

And I will try to smile.

ps. When I look at this photo, I will also remember the last day in Edinburgh as we ran around preparing to come back here and I will remember being with Stewart when he bought that cool green suitcase from Jenners. I am so happy to have all these memories that I haven't even processed yet. Memories that will filter into a new body of work soon and somehow I will get back to Scotland.

x.