Good Grief 215

Tintin steps into the void
I am struggling to move as usual these days
I have to get over the despair hurdle
I was prompted to remember the following blip recently and searched it out....
https://www.blipfoto.com/entry/2137354360831608487
It made me realise I had more capacity, even then, when I felt so grim. There was something there that was capable of writing and reflecting.
Now it just feels like a depressed void.
Utter nothingness and a deep struggle to move or care.
It is hard to do anything when feeling so devoid of life.
I cannot believe I am not dead.
I believe I am, and am wandering in some kind of purgatory
I guess I write this as a sort of bottom line and then try to get up and walk the day, again, but fail to understand why.
I will try, although it comes to points like these when the responsible thing feels like stopping and not inflicting myself, such as it is, on the world.

As an aside, I am still baffled by depression, even though I should have a clearer understanding than I have. On one level I absolutely get it. But on a DSM or ICD-10 level I don't - not really, only in that very symptomatic way that says so little. I was talking to someone about ME and CFS and similar conditions the other day...not to any useful end, but feeling that the body will 'out' one way or another.