research pods

i am speaking but we are failing to communicate.

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a much needed break from it all (and from everyone) out at the wildflower center. i have a feeling i'll find myself on my fair share of solitary wanderings there. sometimes i just want the silence/noise of nature and nothing else. sweating in the hot sun with the cool breeze and the sound of a distant texas thunderstorm. rocks in my shoes, the smell of sunscreen.

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i don't know if i'm just indecisive or if i finally know what i really want to do. and does it matter that i have no idea how to make it happen? i don't know. there is this weird combination of fear and anticipation; i am leaning on the very few people who believe in me more than i do and know the whole story. but i don't know why they do. why do we let 18 year olds decide their whole future in 4 years?