Can you hear it?

Sadly yes.

That watery sound one supposedly hears was the one that gently woke me from sleep this morning at 04:30. After groggily discounting the bog cistern, the shower and then rain outside it dawned (!) on me that something catastrophic was happening with the plumbing.
Absolutely no idea what caused it (can surely only have been a pressure spike) but the upshot was a downpour in the dining room, an inch of water on the laminate flooring and me aquaplaning bare-arsed into the table before I could shut off the supply.

I've had better starts to days, I'll admit. Herewith begins the frigmarole of insurance claims and general fucking tedium.

Still smiling though.