Today I woke up around 7am and saw Stewart just before he headed out for the day to the botanic gardens. Oh I wish I could have gone.

I don't know what happened after that... breakfast, probably more cleaning, more organizing, a shower and even a plan- I would leave my house!

I drove to the bank with a couple of checks from this weekends art sales and I checked my balance... it was quite low even after the deposit. So that was a bit soul crushing and it wasn't yet 10:30 in the morning.

I drove down the hi-way of my town and I thought about all the good people in the town and wondered what they thought of this ugly stretch of road and I wondered how often they drive down it or if they even notice it anymore. This open stretch of ugliness, littered with gas stations, topless bars, restaurants, fast-food chains and drug stores is the major artery through the small cities of Northwest Arkansas.

I arrived at the Co-Op to recycle some plastic and batteries (see how efficient I am) and went into the store thinking I would buy something, tofu, beeswax, anything? But after the bank balance I thought better of it. Those things are luxuries currently, so I turned around and bought nothing and walked back to my car.

I returned to my tidy home feeling decidedly less happy than when I left.
I listened to music and I started thinking about what I could do to make myself feel better. I grabbed my composition book and pen and wrote out a list of people that owe me money for art, I added it up and it was a fair amount. Not a lot, but it would pay my rent and bills for a month. Then I emailed those people to see what I could do about getting paid and I felt better. Then more organizing happened and with it I realized that I have plenty even as I am continually culling my things. I have so much! I have a house with affordable rent (thanks to my parents) and I have clothes (although not that nice or fashionable they get the job done at present) and I have shoes (lots of shoes!) and I have music and things and I have art. I even had tea to organize! So, I decided I would brew myself a huge pitcher of tea and that would make me happy. I can drink iced tea for mere pennies. So I did and I felt better.

Stewart left here a week ago today.

I keep thinking about moving to Scotland, but that seems pretty daunting. I wish I had a plan. I wish that possible big commission would come through or the grant I applied for. Oh well, one thing at a time. Right now, I have tea and I have more things to organize...

x.