Smart-arse buoy

Copy of a report found by Raheny_Eye while rooting in the bins outside Irish Lights (don't ask...) 

Smartbuoy #17174 to Irish Lights Headquarters. 

Yo Dudes, it's me, smartbuoy. What's the craic? How are they hangin'?
Anyways, here's me report, today, around 6 pm, or thereabout. 
- Navigation: can't see no shaggin boats anywhere, so shag all risk of collision, they're safe!
- Wind: it's blowy as fuck around here! You're lucky to be back in the swanky no-expenses-spared HQ. I'm tellin' ya. Direction: it's going horizontally, it's so shagin' strong! Same for the rain it carries... 
- Sea state: it's in a right aul state all right, lemme tell ya. Pissed off it is! 
- Water temperature: are yize kidding? It's shaggin freezin' so it is. It's the Irish Sea for fuck sake, I haven't drifted west to the Caribbean. I haven't seen my nads for the last three years it's so bleedin' cold. 

Anyways lads, scan my QR Code or kiss my wet cold arse, I couldn't give a flying f****
Keep it funk, roigh?!