Who nose.....?

I had an interesting chat with a lovely French lady today. She had an accent as thick as Dijon mustard, and I had to listen really carefully to catch everything she said.

Firstly, it took us ages to establish that she wanted paracetamol ('pain peeeells'), and when I asked if she needed anything else, she said, "Oui. My 'usband, 'as nose 'air.....'ave you sumsing?" (Please try reading that in your best Inspector Clouseau accent - it makes more sense.)

This was definitely the first time I've been asked about nose hair, but I like a challenge, so I recommended nail scissors.

She frowned and shook her head. "Very bad nose 'air," she said. "Much nose 'air. Terrible nose 'air!"
I was building up quite an unpleasant picture of her husband by now, so I upped my offer. "Clippers?"
She looked mystified. "Buzz buzz," I said, in helpful fashion, but her frown simply deepened.

"Buzz buzz???" she said "'My 'usband 'as nose 'air so bad, 'e can't leave ze 'ouse!"

Hardly surprising, I thought. Clearly it was trailing along the ground....I'd stay indoors too, if my nasal hair was long enough to stand on.

It wasn't until she launched into quite a graphic mime, that I realised her husband wasn't so much suffering from nose hair, as nausea.

Shame really. I was just about to sell her a comb and a packet of kirby grips.......