One year gone ....

My Dearest Zazu,

I can’t believe it’s been a year already since your passing.  My heart shattered into a million pieces when you died and I still miss you and think of you every day. 

This summer I read a wonderful book by Peter Trachtenburg called “Another Insane Devotion: On the Love of Cats and Persons”.  While reading this book you were constantly on my mind.  One passage in particular stuck with me as I could relate to it so well.

Peter writes the following about sensing one of his lost kitties in his house: “I suppose that belief, which wasn’t really a belief but a more forceful kind of wish, was what made me keep looking for Bitey in every room I entered for weeks after her death. Whatever the impulse was, it wasn’t wholly mistaken. To keep the lost object in mind is to keep it alive. You hold it cupped in consciousness as you might cup a lit match in your hands to keep it from being blown out in the wind.” 

Zazu, that is how I felt for the longest time after you were gone.  I couldn’t help but look for you in every room of the house.  And maybe I still do on a certain level.   You are never far from my mind.

Your brother and sister are doing well and they have helped me with my grief …. But they are not you.  They didn’t keep me company in the sun room this summer like you used to do … I really missed that.

As Halloween approaches I just couldn’t bring myself to paint the pumpkins like in years past … it’s what I did on this day last year before you became ill and we lost you.  But as you can see the squirrels still have the ability to make me smile.

Please know that you are still loved and missed so much.

Love always, 

Mommy