Clarity

I was awake at 5:30am this morning, even earlier than a weekday. I was trying to be quiet, and it was really cold and drizzly out there. Little B got up with me, but led me a merry dance when I let him out in the garden. He disappeared behind the conifers in the dark, returning ten minutes later after me hissing at him to come in. 

I left the house in the pouring rain and got the train at 8am. I was a bit nervous about going, but after I got going, I knew I was going to be fine. Usually I end up making the right decision.

I had a mooch around at Gatwick, and bought myself a nice new soft grey scarf to wear with my jacket. I had breakfast in Pret, and got the other bits and pieces I needed.

We left at lunchtime, and the flight was good, although we did have a nice slam when the back wheels made contact with the tarmac... thanks Easyjet ;-) 

I think part of this trip was about desensitisation. I waited a long time at passport control, and it's always walking through the arrival doors that get me. When I did that in July 2015, it was Tim that met me, and I feel it every time I repeat the journey.

I guess perhaps why I keep going. Until I don't feel anything. 

I decided to stay outside the centre, so that I was close to the venue. Unfortunately there were engineering works, so the trains weren't going that way, so I ended up taking a taxi. For an eye-watering 50 euros, which was a bit steep. I've never seen a meter go up so quickly...

Safely deposited at the hotel, I had a few hours to chill. I made myself a cup of tea, had a snack, and put the TV on. Made a couple of phone calls and snuggled in bed for a bit. It was a nice lazy afternoon. 

I got ready to leave around 6:30pm. I had planned to take a taxi, but it wasn't too far, so I decided to walk. It was a bit deserted at first, but pretty quickly I found loads of groups of people walking so I was fine. It was less than 10 minutes, and took me out right to the Ajax stadium. 

I was momentarily worried my ticket wouldn't work, but it scanned fine and I went in. 

It was surprisingly big, and I was in the last row at the top, so was quite high up. The support act weren't that great, but it wasn't too long until the band came on.

And they were really good. It did make me sad in a way, because the person I know who would have enjoyed it most, wasn't sitting right beside me. And that made me sad. But whereas these feelings might have drowned me, now I suppose I more able to push those unwanted feelings away until I have "time" to think about them.

It finished around 11pm, and when I came out, it was raining. Well, it wouldn't be the Netherlands without rain at the drop of a hat would it? Quick walk back to the hotel, and then a nice hot shower before I got back into bed. 

I had a really good evening, and I'm so glad I went. I can't really express what this weekend did for me, and my thoughts, adequately in words, but suffice to say it was good. I shall turn my attention to that in Sunday's blip.