Stuff

I stole one of my photos from my trip for my blip tonight. I've been a bit rubbish this week, as it seems to be just one haze of grey/drizzle/dark/getting up/work/coming home/getting tired/debating whether or not to go to gym... you get the idea. The days all blur into one. 

I seem to be lurching from one crazy idea to another lately... My session with A was filled with "I don't know". I saw the physio again on Tuesday for my arm(s). He's referred me for an MRI so I won't know exactly what damage I've done until then. He told me a little while ago that one of his friends runs one of the national teacher recruitment agencies, and that he could get me a job in Dubai like that. "Wow" I said at the time, and just filed it in the disregard box in my head. But feeling stuck, as I am right now, and in the dank, bleakness that is November in the UK, it suddenly seemed a lot more appealing! Maybe I'm just being silly. After my trip last weekend, I felt sure I was going to jack in my job and try something new, in London, albeit with a pay cut. But we actually had some really nice times with the children this week, and I came home feeling uneasy about change all over again. 

I had an observation last week teaching RE, which I'm always a bit worried about, as I'm not catholic but work in a school that is. It went really well, and we acted out a little Baptism in class. I was relieved to get through it, as there were three people watching me! Good feedback too. It's all the little things that make you smile sometimes. Like when someone befriends someone who had no friends, and they're now stuck together like glue, or when somebody lost their pictures they'd cut out, and then sat at the table sobbing when her friend told on her for taking hers... all silly stuff, but my heart breaks for them a little bit. They're only five, these little things are so important. I'm good at the nurturing. I just wish all the other stuff didn't drain me so much. 

So I'm still pondering. The mood has been a bit tense this week. We've had ambulances on three consecutive days today, plus an impromptu fire drill in the middle of lunch. One colleague hit her head first thing Monday morning, and then collapsed on Tuesday in class. Two more ladies had to start CPR and it was very scary, although she is on the mend at home, a delayed concussion. Then one of my good friends tripped over something in the classroom yesterday and almost cracked a rib. And then something with an older child today. I think it might be a bit dangerous working here, they say bad luck runs in threes.....

And on a totally unrelated note, the picture I've chosen is the Ajax stadium, which is directly opposite the Ziggo Dome, where the band played last weekend. T's home team. He loved a good Ajax game. And he hates PSV. And like a broken record, I think of him every day. A suspects that the reason I've not got very far with dating since, is likely more about me than any potential dates. Maybe she's right. And maybe that's why I sort of want to take a chance, and start again. Wipe the slate clean, so to speak. 


We'll see.