Wild ideas......

(Continued.......)


VIRGO:  A correspondence course in genealogy, leads to the startling discovery that Jeremy Paxman is your biological father.
Your mother strenuously denies ever having met the man, but your father is suspicious; he says it explains why your mother cries so much during University Challenge. (And to think he'd always assumed it was because she's never correctly answered a question since 1987.....)
On the downside, you're upset that your father isn't your father, but on the upside, it goes a long way to explaining why you're such a patronising, sarcastic know all!

PISCES: You accidentally fall into a parallel universe, where Donald Trump is the President Elect, Ed Balls has been in a dancing competition, £5 notes are made from cow fat, and Cliff Richard has brought out yet another Christmas single for the 75th year in succession.....what a terrifying alternative reality!

Oops, I do beg your pardon, I seem to have inadvertently confused my star charts with The Daily Mail.

Which must mean.....

Oh feck....