Anyone got any jokes?????

I have the trappings of the comic trade, a small black notebook, and the tiny digital voice recorder ("idea for comedy overweight middle aged man thinks he's a comic writer").
My last gig attracted comments like - who's on next?.....The Sun - Fancy another pint - A Customer If your phoning about home insurance press 2 - Direct Line.

The problem is I need to re-write my set (that's a showbis word) and I havnt got 2 ideas to rub together, still it never stopped Bob Monkhouse.