Rant

A day off, a day of nothing. Why is life so flippin' hard? I couldn't go anywhere unless I walked because I have just enough petrol to get to work over the next few days...I hope!  I couldn't phone a friend to meet her anywhere because I have no money. I'm sick of smiling on the outside when I'm not smiling on the inside. I thought I would clean the front room and put a few Christmas decorations out. Every house I go past seems to have a million lights up, it looks lovely through the window, everyone happy, everyone warm. Anyway, I did some cleaning, but the Christmas stuff is still in the cupboard. 

Jude phoned tonight to say that the Rotary club Santa was winding his way down the road. I decided to wander down and take a blip. We then went back to Jude's and she opened the Baileys. I've become a charity case now...first a bag of stuff from Carole and now cat food, money for petrol and some bread from Jude. You work hard and then you're paid and then it all goes out and you struggle on. Oh I am fed up of it all. 

Anyway we had a few Baileys and then I walked home. It is really cold out there and the minute I went out in it...wham, it slapped me in the face and I felt completely sozzled. And then I felt sorry for myself and I felt really emotional on the way home. I had cat food in one pocket and pitta bread in the other and I could see in all the lit up windows and I felt sorry for myself. I shouldn't drink on an empty stomach should I, but sometimes you just have to. So, I've ranted on enough now, I'm boring myself with it all. I'm going to go to bed as I'm up at some ungodly hour in the morning....grrrrr.