My Xmas by Ruby Jones aged 85 and 3 months.

So our road trip started yesterday from San Fran to Palm Springs. A long drive by UK standards. We stopped to visit relatives in Los Angeles hitherto unknown to me. However my mum and sister greeted them like er... family. How and when did this happen? Where the fuck was I when all this bonding was going on? Anyhow, of course our cousins were lovelier, shinier, thinner, and more educated than my sis and me. We only write ads and throw water at fires. They are medical geniuses. I saw my mum look at us with shame in her eyes.
I nodded and promised to get myself adopted by some trolls. She smiled and looked happy for the first time since the Falklands. It must be fucking Christmas. My mum is happy.