Misadventures...

In dating....

Christmas has been awful. Just needed to write that down. I've been back at home. Until Christmas day (when I went home), I have spent really only around 4 weeks this year in my own house. Which is now on the market...

It's been quite cathartic. In a way, I feel I've already detached, and moved on. I want the new house, and a fresh start. But in a way, it was nice to spend a bit of time at "home". It's cosy, in it's own way, but oh so very cold! Tiled floor, open plan... you get the idea! I actually bought a little thermometer thing to see just how cold it was downstairs, and was a little disappointed it read 19 degrees! This morning it did say 16, so I can confirm that I didn't imagine it ;-) 

I've liked having my own space, but the upkeep is rather exhausting. Laundry, dishwasher, tidying up etc. Just like everybody else really. After a really rough few days, I stupidly agreed to go for a drink with somebody I met on a dating site. I really wasn't up for it, but I also figured that time is not on my side, and I should try and see what happens. 

I made myself go, partly because although he was based in London, he was home with his parents locally, so I didn't have to travel far. We hit it off, although I did rather a lot of self-sabotaging, not believing for a second that he could be interested in me. We had a connection, got on well etc, but I offered him an out, and said I figure you can never have too many friends etc. And when he got up from the table to get me another drink, to prove that point, he kissed me. He caught me completely off guard, but I suppose it proved to me that in spite of all that's happened, I'm not dead.

I went home feeling funny, but in a good way. I do want to move on, and my mind began to wonder of what it might be like to have that optimism that comes from the early days of getting to know someone. I went home and thought about it a lot, and decided I did want to see him again. I've got to try to stop looking for reasons not to give people more of a chance. We kept in touch, and he suggested meeting up tonight. 

Here's where it all went a bit wrong. I went to meet him after work, near Kensington Olympia. Which I discovered is not remotely easy to get to, nor is there much going on there. It meant I had to get off at Clapham, which I have not done since the last time I met T, and I have avoided doing it. It also meant taking the Overground, which again, I did every week going to stay with T. In a way, it was familiar, and just for a second, I could pretend that's where I was going. But instead I headed in the opposite direction. 

He met me at the station. But as soon as I saw him, I felt a bit uncomfortable. I tried to brush it off, but I learned that you should really trust your gut, as it's rarely wrong. We walked a very long way back to his place. I tried all day to rationalise whether or not it was a good idea or not. When I first started internet dating years ago, I was always worrying that someone could potentially carve you up and shove you in the trunk of their car! But I have learned that that is highly unlikely, and rarely give it a second thought, apart from letting others know where roughly I'm going and what time I'll be back, the usual precautions when meeting someone for the first time. 

Something about this just felt wrong. I believe that I felt pressured into trying to move forwards, and was trying to do just that. I really wanted to be able to put all that pain and sadness behind me, and have something to look forwards to again. But once we got to talking, the signs that he was really not a nice person were there for all to see. Too suave. Arrogance, which is mistook to be confidence. The speech about me being able to leave whenever I wanted to. Which as we talked made me realise that this was the opposite of what I wanted. So I said I would leave. He was obviously pissed off, and declared he was off to party at Raffles in Chelsea, and could easily score five different girls there.... you get the idea. 

What a - insert expletive here! He walked me out of the maze of his building to the street, not before declaring he might see my 25 year old sister at a club whilst he was out.... (I mentioned on the previous date that she used to go clubbing there).. I am quite quick witted, and tossed that right back. I wanted to tell him exactly what I thought of him, but I was also aware that it was dark, I was on my own in a remote-ish and unfamiliar part of town etc, so I decided it was probably just safer to concentrate on getting myself home. 

I was relieved to get going, and had a freezing walk back to the station. I am still a bit embarrassed about how I managed to get it so wrong, my radar is usually spot on! I think I probably saw a lot of signs in all honesty, but I ignored them and was trying to take control and get my life back on track. He works in internet security, and we had chatted a bit about it on the first date. He managed to find me on Facebook whilst we were talking, and showed me how; i.e.; people can search your number if they have it (I've since disabled this). He showed me a couple of photos on his instagram etc. Whilst we were chatting at his place, he started telling me he had proof about T, and that he was partying on the side whilst we were together etc. There is only one word for that- headfuckery! 

What a weirdo! It did upset me, as he admitted to stalking my social media etc. I hadn't paid much attention to it, but I've used this as a wake-up call and tightened up my security etc. 

Lesson well and truly learned tonight. Also on my way home I googled him, only to find out that he had lied about his age too. I actually got to talking to a young guy at the station who was going home to secretly surprise his girlfriend. He was really friendly, and we had a good chat. It's nice to know that there are lots of men who do respect women. 

I was home after what was essentially a three hour round trip, but I was very happy to be home. I called one of my sisters and we had a chat. I wasn't upset at all, just a bit freaked out and disappointed. But I repeat, a lesson well and truly learned. Never ignore a gut feeling. 

Onwards and upwards I suppose. I do have another date on Saturday, and he seems the total opposite. Plus it's going to be in the afternoon. 

The picture is of the Knot pretzel shop at Clapham Junction. It became a bit of a guilty pleasure last year, I could never walk past without stopping for a lavender sugared pretzel! Another reminder of T.