Saturday

Started the day by going to a friends house to meet with 2 other friends and their small kids and partners who are 'home' for Christmas.
We have been friends since school.
Today I felt the odd one out and uncomfortable. Clever chat that I had no idea about, they had much news, I had none. Lots of family chat, I couldn't relate to.
I was wishing I had never dragged myself out of bed.

Left there and with my book I headed to a coffee shop. Couldn't concentrate, so left. Anxious, panicky. Went for a walk where I spotted this Robin up a tree. A rubbish shot though.

Got home, felt restless, insides burning, breathing all wrong. I tried to sit and got my colouring out, couldn't sit.
Self harmed several times.

Hours later,  feeling hopeless, I hate myself.