Amaluna

It was really good :-)

I had to get up at 8am today, I had three viewings set for 10am and I'm just not a girl who likes to rush ;-) 

I've learned through this process that come viewing time, it's best simply to turn it over to the lovely Jon at my estate agency, and for me disappear until it's over. It was freezing but beautifully sunny (I always mention the weather but I am very affected by it!), which was good as they got to see it with golden light flooding it rather than the drizzly gloom we've had on the last couple of viewings. 

Somebody came with their mum and dad. She was a lot older than me, and her parents could be my grandparents. They seemed very nice, and it made me think of Nanny and Gramps, and I wished that they were still around, albeit rather impossible and unrealistic as I am now 33(!) and they would be 95 and 88.....

I went to mum and dad's, and they were getting ready. I made a cup of tea and then got to spend some time with snuggly B who was roused from a warm bed :-)

Jon gave me a call when they were done, and then I went home and finished my chores and mopped. 

A friend had two extra tickets for Cirque du Soleil today. J and I jumped at the opportunity, especially as the tickets were for £50 instead of £80. I, well all of us, thought it was for the evening performance, but A messaged last night to say it was actually the matinee! 

And I didn't check the trains, as it's Saturday, and works are usually always Sunday. And by the time I left at 1:30pm, the train wasn't scheduled to get there until 3pm, when we were supposed to meet...

J suggested I get an Uber, to save time, as I would really be cutting it fine. I was a bit of a team operation. The Uber got me there in 12 minutes, it would have taken far longer on the tube. When I got there, A ran down to meet me at the door, and the lady quickly scanned the ticket, and then we ran up three flights of stairs...! 

3:26pm, four minutes before it started. I do like to beat the clock! Unfortunately I had barely eaten anything since breakfast, but did not have any snacks on me. Luckily J is a good friend, and gave me the remaining half of her popcorn :-)

The show was really good, and I had forgotten how nice it is to go to the theatre. Good company, and lovely weather as well. It reignited something inside me. The uber took me along the river, the same route I used to travel on the bus with T. And it just took me right back. Like it felt so real, the memories, that I could almost touch it. It made me a bit sad when I looked over next to me in the theater and he wasn't sitting beside me. He took me to see Phantom for Valentines' Day, 2015. 

I felt so worn down by work, by indecision, by property and all of this house business, and worrying about the future, and it comes back to the same question: which path to take. It's quite exhausting. I don't know what to do. I don't want to just stick with what I've got/do/have. I'm frustrated and needing change, but I must have been saying that for the last three years!

Mostly I miss T. I am pretty good, day to day. I think of him every day, I don't know if that's normal or not. I miss what we had. A thinks it's hurt so bloody much as it's the first relationship where I felt really loved, so when it ends, it's not so easy to just fold up your tent and move on. I have moved on, but today felt so tangibly real, and so close, that it was hard to believe things are different now. I miss gadding about in London, but I miss doing those things with him. With his hand in mine. Maybe one day I'll look back and feel silly for writing this, but right now it's where I am.

Anyways, after the theatre, we shivered and walked to a nearby pub that J and A had been to before. It was super busy and we had to stand, but one large glass of wine later all was right with the world ;-)

A and her brother went off to Brick Lane to eat, but J was too broke to go so we decided to go our separate ways. I got home around 9:30pm, and stopped in to see Little B :-)

It was -4 degrees outside, so I was glad to get warm. It's been 16 months, and yet it still feels strange sometimes to go home on a Saturday night. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not. I always stayed with T, and I miss that.