The Bigger Picture

I think it's Tuesday anyway... I'm so tired.....

I had a slow start this morning, it's always hard to get up. We had sun today, so that was a bonus, despite it being the second of two parents evenings tonight. 

Another internal conflict again today. Often they happen and make me question what to do. I always write about how I don't like lots of things in teaching, including the words "data", "targets" and "rates of progress" etc. Oh, and "evidence". Evidence is something you require in a court of law, not in children's books. And today I had one of those questioning moments. A little girl in my class (who is 5) has become really disengaged with learning. And I mean really disengaged. She is like two split personalities. She comes alive when we learn about  RE, our space topic and the world around us, science etc. But literacy and maths she's not interested. And I don't worry about data and targets, I worry about how she doesn't like it. And I know why, because she realises it's hard. One of our big issues is with pushy parents. Now I hasten to add that I believe that they want nothing but the best for her, and want her to the best that she can be. And who could argue with that? But the problem is that they have employed not one but two tutors to work with her after school a few times a week. Over learning at it's best. And she is done, totally done. They don't understand that what they perceive to be beneficial, is actually the most detrimental thing they could do. She's five, and so very tired when the day is done, and yet it's like having to do another day of learning after school when she should be relaxing and recouping her energy for the next day. Not to mention enjoying the little bit of kid-time that remains before bedtime. 

So today I worked with her in a small group of three, teaching phonics. We got off to a good start, watched a little puppet clip to introduce our new sound (ear-yes, five year olds are learning this :-0). We talked about the words that had that sound in- hear/dear/tear and we talked through some funny sentences with them in. They wrote them on their little whiteboards. She did the first couple right, then forgot the spelling pattern and made a mistake. Then she started to not want to participate. I had to be firm but fair and explained that if she didn't want to work nicely, etc.... 

And then her eyes filled with tears and she melted. Started to sob. I rubbed her arm and asked her what was wrong. She really cried, and said it was too hard, that her mummy tells her to read and doesn't help her with her reading and writing, and she just wants to play. She was sobbing, head in her hands. Her little friend was really good, and I asked her to go back and get some tissues. I pulled her onto my lap, which I rarely do, and cuddled her as we talked. We talked about how learning is hard, and that it's ok to need help. She calmed down, and her little friend was good at helping her feel better too. I told her it was my job to help her to learn, and that I would talk to mummy and let her know she needed to help her too. She dried her tears, and I sent her and her little friend off to wash her hands and pop her whiteboard away.

What are we doing to these children? I've questioned it for such a long time, but this is just ridiculous. My heart just broke a little bit for her. Because it is wrong for children to feel so much pressure at such a young age. When I was little, I remember coming home, flaking out for a bit, and then playing, playing, playing. With my sisters. Barbies, dolls, outside with friends. It is so, so important for children. I never remember doing homework, or even reading much at home, at least not until Junior school (and yes, I am a good reader ;-) We never had a clue about what our "targets" were, never mind how to achieve them. 

I find myself saying words that I don't agree with. Because I should. "Come on, keep going. That's not enough work. You need to speed up so you can write more. If you're chatting, you're not going to get your work done, are you? And as I'm saying it, I'm wondering why I am. Why do they need to work faster/write more/chat less? They're 5! 

It is a world gone mad. I've got to do something different tomorrow, not only for her but for all of them. They deserve better. My school sent out a parent survey this week, and we read some in the office. Lots of positive comments, but one parent wrote that the data and government targets that we sent home a couple of weeks back to tell them where they were at this point in the year was useless, and that they would rather know from a person how their child was doing intellectually and emotionally. They get it.

I talked to a grandparent at parents evening tonight, and he said that being happy was the most important, and that there is a strong correlation between being happy as a child and their future success. Which we all know about but continue to perpetuate the exact opposite.

When I think of the little girl in my class today, I don't want to leave teaching. Who will dry the tears and be kind in a world where academics are the be all and end all, and the struggle is ignored? Who will care that we are getting this just so, so wrong? But I can't keep being a part of this, it's ridiculous. 

Tomorrow is a new day, and a fresh start. A day where if learning doesn't get done, then it doesn't get done. We're going to relax, enjoy our day together, and make sure we encourage each each other along the way. I'm under pressure to deliver results. My pay, and indeed my job security depend on it. But it's not right. I'm a very laid back teacher, the others aren't. 

The system is broken, and we should be fixing it, not contributing to it. 

And my heart broke a little more writing this tonight.