Dare I Hope?

Dare I hope to hope? 
Is it safe? Is it right? 
Am I hoping for nothing
But a black and empty night? 

Hope should make me happy.
I should laugh, sing, and dance
Because I am hoping. Right? 
Ha! Not a chance.

How is it that hope can leave me
Trembling in the darkness? 
How is it that something so “good”
Should leave me feeling helpless? 

Dare I hope to hope? 
What difference does it make? 
Fate will be fate in the end, 
It will either “make or break.”

Does Fate regard my hope? 
Does She listen? Or care? 
Am I shooting for a star that
Simply isn’t there? 

I cannot know! Oh, God
Why must I struggle with 
This doubt that pulls at me
Rends me, limb from limb? 

What sort of hope leaves pain
Where it should instead leave joy? 
Is this hope at all? Or perhaps
Some wicked demon’s ploy? 

I cannot know! Dear heaven! 
How can I even begin to dare
To hope for something – anything? 
Is no assurance there? 

No promise? No guarantee? 
I cannot stand it! I cannot! 
The doubt is a plague
In my every thought.

Dare I hope to hope
In a hope that leaves me dry
And lost? How can I dare
To hope in hope? How can I? 
-Sophia White