Racing line

I once went to a massage parlour by accident. Thing is i was with pals seeing off a colleague who has just been dismissed for shouting obscenities at the customers for no apparent reason other than his later proven in court case of severe flippin' Tourette's. It was rather late in the evening and i was looking for the toilet which was outside of this old pub called 'The Two Canny Feathers.'

Well the loos weren't marked 'his' or 'hers' and finding both doors locked i popped around the corner to, wonder upon wonders, find a third door. Yes, I hear you exclaim, a third door. To me this smacked of needless opulence but given my need to relieve myself of an excess of ale I tried the said third door and found it opened easily under my rather desperate twist of my wrist.

What met me on the other side of the door was a surprise, I grant you. Looking back I can see that a sober man may well have questioned why a lady in drag smoking a joint underneath a neon sign that said 'liberties cost more' was not an actual loo. Sadly that fourth pina colada had left my senses in a state of ill repair and I just nodded at 'Gina' and walked straight past her into the first cubicle only to find a man being given a 'Turkish Düsseldorf' by a near naked lady. I say 'near' and 'lady' and both terms were questionable.

At this stage I was busting at the seams to piss for England so I exited the surprised couple and headed down the corridor and through a door that miraculously led to a toilet which I duly used whilst singing to the top of my voice 'Land of Dope of Glory.' I was purely pissed and being amusing but the management were not to be teased in such a way. Just as the last drop had left my willing body, George (waxing expert) and Georgia (piercings) arrived and roughly picked me up without allowing me time to pull me kecks back up and threw me out on to the open streets filled with Tuesday night 2am shoppers...

Anyhow, take care out there. It's a dangerous world.

A X