Outside the weather is bright and sunny, crisp and cool.

I have no plans for the day.
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and then I did some writing:

Here I am: the need to put pen to paper
Sept. 8. 2012

I've been crying a lot. I feel a bit disgusted with myself. I feel a sense of loss and abandonment. I feel a lack of beauty and a lack of passion.

I feel frustrated and stuck. Sometimes I feel like I should be hospitalized, probably mostly for a sense of getting away from it all or just a scheduled existence.

Loss is probably the best descriptor and in dealing with this loss, I am taking it out on myself and blaming others (I wonder why I don't feel better...rhetorical sarcasm)

Who am I? What am I? Where am I? And what am I supposed to be doing? Because surely it is not this.

This scattered hurry up and wait dance. This sugar and tea and food and wait and the electrical dance of lights and go go go! You are on! Talk time.

Long distances, love... A disdain for my country and a crushing depression around the world and filth in the streets.

Trash garden how do I miss thee, let me count the ways.

Even in the darkest days in Edinburgh I was being brave and I was moving forward in my life.

And the sunny days in Arkansas bring stagnation and a loss of hope- a regression as I fill with doubt. The past resides around me and the brick armor returns....

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And then after I wrote, a small plan came forward. Want to see what I am working on in the studio? Join me over here!