Friday night takeaway

There is absolutely no way of making this stuff palatable.  It’s awful, disgusting and yeuk to the power of a zillion.

The squeamish or those of a sensitive disposition might like to stop reading now.  

Tomorrow morning I’m having a colonoscopy.  (Yes Mr Hunt, senior doctors do work at weekends).  

I had my last ‘proper' meal at 8 o’clock this morning; (poached egg, 1slice of white bread, no butter.)  That’s it for now - nothing more until after the procedure.  Apart from this stuff.  At teatime I’ll drink the first packet and then the second a few hours later when Anniemay settles down in front of the tv for a glass of wine and a nibble.  (By that I mean she eats a biscuit).

Yesterday’s meals were hardly typical - just white bread, white pasta, ice-cream …….. no fruit, fibre, yoghurt, vegetables, cakes, chocolate, peanut butter, salads, cheese, oils, Hob-nobs…..  The list goes on.  This is the reason I had a pie and cake on Wednesday.  

A few weeks ago, in his column in The Observer, Clive James described the process of having a colonoscopy - admittedly while under sedation and therefore prone to the effects of mind-altering substances - as being like someone “driving a combine harvester up my backside..’

I laughed when I read it.  That was before I knew I would be on the list for one.  
So as you sit back and relax this friday evening with your drink of choice, I’ll toast your good health with 2 litres of Chateau Drain-unblocker.




Update midday: by some sort of delicious irony, the downstairs loo is blocked.  Not good once the Chateau Drain-unblocker kicks in.  

It appears that there’s a blocked sewer somewhere down the road.  A sewage engineer is  now standing in our front garden assembling a long set of drain rods.  Faced with that the drink doesn’t look too bad.