Don't you dare put on your Glum Face! You're the one that dragged me along to a bleedin' Cupcake and Floral Icing Masterclass! You're the one who demanded I come to a 3-hour class attended by 15 middle-aged women who appear to have nothing to talk about other than their crushed husbands, isn't-the-cherry-blossom-lovely-this-time-of-year, and the urinary infections that seem to be cutting a swathe through the middle-classes of Edinburgh! Not to mention the crazy Spanish one with mascara bleeding into her eyes who keeps praising my rose petals, even though they look like the aftermath of a cabbage suicide pact, with the sole intention of dragging me behind the coatstand for a hectic grope. So don't you dare put on that face, when I'm in a living Hell!!!