A one sided conversation between two artists: Talking about Scroll number one: The trial years. A work in progress.

I know it is a bit of a mess, that is what this is all about for me... struggling through the mess and then to come to an understanding. It is a trial in stages. Here I think these new shapes on the surface provide a small space that I can get a handle on, I think by providing boundaries, they help me deal with this larger space.

They showcase the things I like. They show a broken chain as well. There is something missing that connects them. They are all surface, a moment of frustration to stop the painting from looking like a long straight mess of nothing. I needed something in the foreground. This is not meant to be a "good" painting per se, this is meant to be a process. I will be curious if I can rein it in from the brink.

I hate painting this way just as I don't like living in a groundless way either. So it would seem like the trial years scrolls would pick up on this. I am not faking it here. That is right... it is the trial I have been living through, it is the trial at the underground, the trial of our relationship, the trial of being an artist in a recession.The trial of losing hope and yet continuing on with something more than a "faith" but a strange strength.

A strange strength that is unknown to me. I know it is awful to look at.

But maybe if I get it out, there is something more meaningful behind it.

This is me making mistakes and trying to be low key about it. Perhaps this is a type of acceptance or perhaps it is just one fucking awful painting and a lot of good words strung together... but it really doesn't matter.

Thinking about the work is huge too. I have done more thinking and writing and painting than I have for a long time... Not just filling an order but getting down to my philosophy and challenging myself.

I think some people might think I am going mad, just the writing and the documenting and this big black and white mess... why is she doing this..who cares... I have essentially put myself back in art school.

ps. I may use this chat in some writing if you don't mind (just my part of it.)

x.