Zebbers

I'm going to Birmingham on Saturday afternoon for a show in the evening and then flying from there to Malta for a show on Sunday, when the tickets were booked I asked for an extra night so I am coming back on Tuesday evening. This morning I sorted out my Music and some logistical details for the shows and Max dyed my hair. As the days have gone on with Mum in Hospital it has been very worrying that I may not be at home or even in the country when she passes but I simply have to go to work, people are relying on me, it is so hard. I called my cousin Sophie for a chat which was very helpful.

After lunch Zebedee and I went to Tooting where he had an important assessment we have been waiting for for months, the meeting was 2 hours long, half way through I got a call from my Aunt saying that Mum has deteriorated and the Doctor says it will be less than 24 hours now.... I was filling out a questionnaire on my own when I got the call, I cried and then called Emma, then I got a call back from the NHS organ tissue Donor people, Mum had wanted to leave her organs and tissues to them but they say because what has taken her life has been a neurological condition (MSA) they can't use anything... well I have followed it up as per her wishes and can do no more, the lady was called Michelle and had a soft Liverpudlian accent and was so sweet to me. I pulled myself together and then finished the interview and meeting without telling anyone.

When Zebedee and I left I tried to get an Uber but couldn't get the app to work so we got the train back to Norbiton, there were cancellations and delays of course! When we arrived my Aunt Jojy and Uncle Chris were there and so was my Brother. Gerry's son John had been there earlier but Zeb and I missed him. Jojy and Chris said that Mum was very stiff and the staff had given her a muscle relaxant, why can't they just give her some morphine???  Jo and Chris left soon after we arrived. Mum has deteriorated so much since yesterday, she is skeletal and unresponsive although when I stroked her hair she did close her eyes. I put cream on her arms and hands and face and held her hand, we played some classical music and chatted.... we left about 7.30 and I told her I would be in in the morning. I am shattered.

Back home Gulli and I watched a couple of episodes of Once Upon A Time.... 

I feel quite numb and very tired, I have cried so much over this last 2 weeks and over the last 3 years that for now I just want to sleep....