4 weeks!

Henri is 4 weeks old! At the risk of stating the obvious and being cliché: time is flying! We are settling into our new little family. Olivier makes progress almost every day on the art (and rules) of being a big brother: I love watching him learn how to be gentle (work in progress) while expressing his love, and how to deal with sharing me. Grandma is still with us for a little while, though we are getting better.

Truth be told, I struggled for a while, both during pregnancy and after. The expectations and pressure put on pregnancy and motherhood are not easy to handle at times. I struggled with the idea of performance: succeeding or failing vaginal delivery are a thing, believe it or not, while the only thing that should matter (at least in my opinion when I'm relatively sane and not too hormonal) is that both mom and baby come out of delivery alive and healthy. I had to quit some groups, avoid some discussions because it got a bit too much to me, especially when the complications started and made it clear that a c-section would be the safest option for both Henri and I.

performance has always been an issue for me. More honestly, I feel the pressure of it, and try to thrive. But the pressure is even higher when it comes to raising two little guys and making them happy. And that's not solved...

But then I look at my boys. Olivier is happy, trusting, and adjusts very well to what is new in his life, given time. Henri is tiny, barely awake, but he is all there, in my arms, trusting me to solve all his problems, fill his tummy and dry his tears. So I guess I'm at least doing that well!