Dogma

In the mood to enjoy the balmy indian summer that's currently gracing our shores, I got up bright and early to head out Kinver way. The last time I visited was on a scorching day in June 1998, when I was spending a brief time working in a school, and had to accompany the teachers and kids on a memorably vomit-laced field trip. I'm not sure if the rock houses had some kind of negative effect on the digestive systems of the group as a whole, but the energetic, synchronised chundering of so many schoolchildren over the course of a single day was a motif that I could never really shake from my mind, in later years, when thinking of Kinver.

Glad I went back today, though. With the sun high and not a regurgitated carrot in sight, it was a grand old walk. It got all the better when, on Kinver Edge, high above the plains of South Staffordshire, I inadvertently ran into Philosophy Dog.

It was an honour to have such a meeting. Many have come here in search of Philosophy Dog, and returned home without receiving an audience. It's widely acknowledged that no other canine in the general vicinity of Wolverhampton is so enlightened or erudite, and obviously, this means that the services of Philosophy Dog are in high demand.

Philosophy Dog spends a large amount of time staring into the sky - no doubt pondering the nature of infinity - and may at first ignore your approach. You may ask your question when Philosophy Dog is ready to hear it, and it will be carefully considered. Then, when Philosophy Dog has contemplated the matter, it will turn around and look at you in silence, disappointed that you felt the need to bother it with such a silly question. You may then leave.

I was granted the profound honour of taking a photograph of Philosophy Dog while it was pondering my question of where the Albion will finish this season. When it had finished its lengthy deliberations, Philosophy Dog stood up, walked around in a circle for a while, and then poked its nose inside a Haribo bag.

Praise to thee, O all-knowing Philosophy Dog.