I forgot

...how much I love taking pictures. I forgot how it feels to read a work of fiction, rather than a scientific manuscript. I forgot that it is possible to NOT do "work work" every. single. day. of the week.

Most of all, I forgot that I have a body. This body, after five years of heavy-duty abuse, rebelled. Since the new semester begun 10 or so days ago, I have been sick 3 times; getting over the latest one right now.

I have a brain that runs 100 miles an hour. I have so many fun ideas, amusing thoughts. Many of them can result in actions, and often do. However, my body can't keep up with my brain. I spent the last 5 years teaching/advising (full-time for the past 2 years) AND taking PhD classes, AND jumping on every opportunity to learn more to be better at my job, AND seeking out research opportunities (which I don't have to do) AND being a wife, and a mom. Plenty of women do it; I am certainly not unique. I am not asking for recognition as a hero. However, while I can't speak for others, I can say I am running on fumes, and the fumes are running short.

I keep reading articles about PhD students' rates of depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, impaired immune system. Oh, it's not about me, right? I keep reading articles about depression and anxiety of the academic faculty. Oh, that's not about me either, surely not. Except - it is. Especially when you add the two together. I do not have any symptoms of depression, or suicidal thoughts, but I am definitely not well.

I read a piece by Elizabeth Gilbert recently, in which she advises that people should take care of themselves as if they were taking care of an abused animal. Providing safe surroundings, lots of good food, lots of rest, lots of love. I kept thinking this is insane; I am NOT an abused animal. And yet, I have positively abused myself during the last 5 years.

So here is my bed, where I spent a large part of today and yesterday. And a lovely dog duo (you can see a bit of black Dog Star, behind the Star Dog). Lovely, loyal canines guarded my abused animal as she slept.

It's good to be back on blipfoto.

I posted a bunch of backblips, mostly from my phone; will add text soon, on the computer.