So I've just got back from seeing Mr. Greene. Hey agreed to meet me in North Bristol. I was so excited, I cleared up my room all neat and tidy ready for him to come back. I quickly realised after meeting with him that he didn't want to come back to my flat, he had no desire to see it, to see where I lived or the people I lived with. He didn't want me to see his house either, and after asking him what his adress was he started telling me that I was wrong to ask his flatmates the address. He was accusing me of seeming like a crazy stalker. I was arguing back that all I wanted to know was his address. It then dawned on me that he hadn't told any of his housemates that we were going back out. I voiced this.
"The idea of this was that we aren't going back out, it is a trial.".
He didn't tell me the address, still. So we went for a walk and got some lunch from a shop and sat in the park. I bought some stuff for him from a charity shop and paid for our lunch.

He was insistent that he had to go home after a few hours, that he wanted to riding more than he wanted to see me. He was more excited about seeing his friends than he was about me. It made me feel so bad. And I still feel so bad. I feel like some trailing loser who's in love with someone who is only mildly interested. I hate the way he walks off when we say goodbye, so eager to leave. I was (and always have been) so reluctant to say goodbye to him because I used to enjoy being with him so much. It got me thinking; if this is just a trial for us, what are the outcomes? how long will we be 'taking it slow' and 'having space'. We've been like this for so long now, and I feel such a fool. I care far more than he will, I think. So what do I do? keep going like this, stuck in a horrible pattern of waiting avidly to see him and feeling worthless when I do?

What is left? Or am I seeing this whole thing wrong? Because maybe I'm being too obsessive over him and too clingy. It makes me feel bad for wanting to be with him so much, it's like being hit in the face when he says he wishes he was riding instead of being with me. I wish I could let go of him but I just can't. I can't.