At Last!

The Ducolax worked! Well a little anyway! Much relief felt - emotionally! 
I'd become very aware in the morning how tightly I was holding myself and how I was doing everything fast. I was doing the washing-up as if it was a race! I had to make a conscious effort to slow down, attend to the sounds of the water, the movement of the cloth along knives, round plates. If I let my attention slip I would become aware that I had speeded up again! This Mindfulness business takes a lot of effort and concentration! I went to clean down the surfaces and noticed crumbs to the side of the chopping board, so I moved tins, noticed crumbs in crevices I couldn't reach with the sponge, swept the crumbs into a tray - and promptly dropped said tray on my foot and spilled the crumbs all over the floor! Once again I realised I had been rushing and that the initial task had mushroomed! I promptly sat down and tried to relax! 
I have a feeling that overlaying what is possibly some digestive bug/virus, is the physical manifestation of inner stress - my way of thinking and living. All a complex web! I think the nature of teaching with it's days of timetabled activities, where you are always thinking ahead to the next activity, the next day, and the need to be multitasking - managing staff, looking at the whole class ( of only 7! ) for signs of seizures, breathing difficulties etc, have left their mark. Throw in the stress of modern working practices, bad managers and personal bereavement and thats a heady mix! Oh and don't forget the state of the world politically and environmentally! I have to remind myself my days are no longer on a timetable - there is nothing that needs to be done or got out of the way for the next activity! So I am slowly trying to unwind and let go of all this and develop new routines and habits - will be so much easier when I am not so stressed about my bowels!! But everything is now loosening up!!

P.S. I am now eating regularly and have abandoned the BRAT diet for many days - but during my evening meal I came over quite peculiar again and had to abandon it. Small portions frequently I think is the best - poor stomach can't cope with too much! I'm such a delicate, sensitive flower!