Always smile

    I went into Lidls, and told the manageress I was willing to stack shelves for fourteen groats an hour. 'I'm always smiling,' I assured her. She looked puzzled, and declined. You've missed a bargain there, I thought.
    'Are you nice as pie?' I asked. She sent for security. It's a shame. I've always  liked the uniform.

(None of this happened, of course. Its fiction.)