Crawlers

"Congratulations, we’ve just made you Royal Correspondent!" 

The words any BBC reporter dreads as their career and dreams of being a serious journalist lie in ruins. 

Requirements

- The hushed, salubrious tones of a funeral director/upmarket used car salesman.
- A tongue with the length and dexterity to rival that of an ant eater’s.
- The ability to spout sycophantic drivel 24/7.
- The ability to walk backwards, bowed over whilst tugging one’s forelock.
- And most importantly, telepathy. To enable one to know and broadcast to the nation/world what the HRH’s are actually thinking, without  any basis of fact. 

For anyone interested in the aforementioned role just watch BBC Breakfast’s report from this morning on Harry daring to walk out with his girlfriend and if you think you can spout such utter p**h, apply in writing to the DG at the Beeb. 

Honestly, coffee and swearies at 6am......it's not good for the telly! 

Rant over…………breathe out!