Distraught

Polly has escaped and is gone. I went up to check on her and I saw the feathers in a clump in the corner of the fence before I even got into the coop plot. I spent two hours looking for her, stomping through the giant brambles, calling , hoping. I went home, had a coffee and a cry and messaged Colourful Mai. She said she had been fine in the morning - eating the mash and no sounds of hen pecking as she picked her raspberries. I can only think one of the hens cornered her so she pushed through the fence. She was bigger than Polly and Izzy so can't believe she got through the two fences. 
I went back after the coffee and walked round again and through the long grass and brambles, shaking a metal mug of seed and calling. It began to rain and the other girls started to go in, Tilly and Polly always went to bed earlier than the allotment girls so I knew she was not going to appear. But I lingered and listened and went round the plot and the overgrown allotment plots again. My knee nearly gave out several times as the ground is uneven and I'd been stomping on brambles not realising they covered ditches.
I am so upset and feel so guilty, thinking I should have taken her home last night, but she had seemed unperturbed and had just preened her feathers once I put her  inside the eglu. I had thought she was quite happy hiding in the nettles and very sensible and it was just me upset thinking she had got out. 
I can't stop thinking of her hiding somewhere, getting wet and cold and at the mercy of foxes. I can't bear thinking of her but can't stop. My hands and legs are stinging from the nettles and brambles and I feel so upset I don't want to eat. I will be up early in the morning to open the coop but I know the hope I have that she will appear is doomed. I tell myself it's not my fault but I know it is. I tell myself she has probably had a nice time foraging amongst the crops on the allotment but I don't believe it.
I spotted this rose growing up through the brambles - a creamy white like her.